Our Kids are Programmed to Kill Each Other

We all know that positive music and movies can inspire a person, but unfortunately, so can negative, violent media. Certain parts of pop culture, music, and internet videos all promote the idea that kids killing each other is normal or brave. These messages on their own might not do much, but when a desperate kid in a rough community hears and sees them over and over, these messages can create a false mindset.

In our neighborhoods, this is how it works: if a kid goes to jail or is charged with a violent crime, they are looked at with respect. It becomes easier for these people to get girls and become leaders because “being hard” and engaging in violence is highly respected in our communities. People try to say that killing is wrong, but what kids see day to day is different from the messages they hear from well-meaning adults.

Many rap stars or influencers are promoting a criminalized culture. Killing is viewed in high esteem by some. The late rapper King Von's ex-girlfriend said she wouldn't date anybody who didn't have at least two bodies- meaning someone who’s killed at least two people. Children in our community want to live up to that standard. In order for the violence to change, this culture that is reinforced by ignorance must also change.

We know it’s challenging to confront these messages and keep the kids away from dangerous media. You have to work, cook, clean, and put food on the table and families aren't as close as they used to be in the olden days. We may have grandmas, great grandmas, cousins, aunties, and uncles but we live in a much more disconnected society. Where there used to be a village to help raise the child, that village doesn't exist anymore. Many people aren't going to church the way they used to, and even if you are going to church, sometimes it's hard to trust the pastor who may be a child molester or a money hungry predator.

With all these things working against the family, you are unable to adequately keep up with all the programming that's going into your children's minds. Everywhere your children look, they have access to vast amounts of information and media. Some of it is good, but a lot of the popular stuff is bad or sends mixed messages at best. It's almost impossible for you to control all the images and programming that is being sent to your children.

Instead, as parents we need to reprogram our children or at least give them the tools for them to reprogram themselves or counter the program that they're receiving. Three simple tools to counter many of the negative programming that our kids are receiving are:

1. Explaining things to children in context is very important. When they're trying to figure out problems, let them know that not everyone has their best interests in mind. Explain that the messages they might hear or see are not necessarily accurate, factual, good or bad. It’s up to them to use their internal moral compass to dictate whether the information coming is good or bad, and to rely on real-life people they can trust.

2. Encourage your kids to fact check claims using a variety of sources. Let them know that everyone has a bias or even an agenda, so they should use multiple reliable sources to get a broad perspective on what’s going on. They should also think about any alternative motives people might have for telling a story in a certain way.

3. Finally, tell your children that Hip Hop and rap culture should be viewed as “just entertainment.” For instance, if they're listening to a lot of rap music, tell them that they should not try to live the lyrics, but just listen to the music for enjoyment purposes.